


Like It's Made of Daimonds

by pinkladyalex



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, I'm not sure if you would call it that, M/M, Possibly Triggering, a bit of a sad fic, depressed!harry, friends to lovers?, kind of, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkladyalex/pseuds/pinkladyalex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is depressed, he doesn't like people. But when a boy runs into him on the street one day, how it will it change his point of view?</p>
<p>(sorry I'm shit at summary's)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! It was inspired by this tag fic on tumblr 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Harry**

 

The sky is dark and gloomy, and the pavement slick with leftover rain as Harry walks. He’s just got off of work, a stupid little job at a radio station with a stupid boss that was stupidly far away from his flat and was all around stupid. At least that’s how Harry sees it, he gets to work behind the scenes and do basically nothing but listen to his boss Nick talk all day, while he buses around getting whatever he wants. But it’s just a start for Harry.

 

He keeps his head down and his headphones in, not wanting to look at anyone or see anybody looking at him. His tall stature gains a lot of attention, even on the crowded London streets. Finally he makes it to his small car, it was old, worn out, but it’s the best he could afford, and just as he’s about to open the door and climb in, making sure not to step on the puddle that is beneath it next to the curb, something rams into him. He turns around, prepared to shout and scream or something, when he sees a boy laying on the ground, books scattered around him, his glasses crooked on his face.

 

And yea, this boy is cute, beautiful, pretty, all the complimentary words Harry can think of, which isn’t many, they rarely cross his mind.

 

The boy shakes his head around, frazzled, and then looks up at Harry as he adjusts his glasses. He opens his mouth to say something, then doesn’t, and goes to pick up his books. Harry leans down and helps him gather them all, then offers a hand to help him up. The boy crawls up and pushes his glasses up his nose again. And he’s just as small standing up as he looked down on the ground.

 

“Sorry about that.” He says, a bright smile on his face, and his glasses start to slide down his nose again. His voice is light and bright and a little high pitched but Harry likes it. The word ‘cute’ pops into his head again.

 

“It’s fine, not your fault.” Harry replies. And as he speaks and hears his own voice he could already hear the contrast.

 

“Yea, well, um, I’m Louis.” He says, holding out his hand, trying to hold on to all of his books in one hand. The right corner of Harry’s mouth quirks up, as he took his hand.

 

“Harry.” Louis smiles and nods, then pushes his glasses back up on his face.

 

“Well, I’d better be going, got a shitload of work to do.” Louis smiles. Everything he did seems to be done with a smile. Harry is the complete opposite of that, almost never smiling at anything.

 

“Okay, yeah.”

 

“I’ll see you round?” Louis asks brightly.

 

“Maybe, London’s a big place.” Harry answers honestly. Louis smile drops for a moment, eyebrows furrowed.

 

“Well, maybe fate will be on our side.” He decides on saying, smile reforming on his face. Harry finds he likes it better that way. Louis looks better with a smile.

 

“Maybe.” Harry responds, then Louis walks away, and Harry watches as his bright red pants weave through the crowds of people, only stopping once to turn around and wave, and with his wave he giggles, probably amused to find Harry watching him.

 

And when Harry is finally in his car, heading home, the clouds seem to clear a little bit, so just enough sunlight seeps through and the road glistens, like it’s made of diamonds. He is sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

 

********

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Harry chokes out. He had ran to the building where the radio show was recorded, as it had been extremely difficult for him to find a parking space and he had slept in and he could get fired for being this late. So he had ran, which he absolutely hates and is really hard to do with a giant trenchcoat blowing behind him.

 

“Yeah, yeah, do you have my morning coffee?” Nick asks.

 

“No I, I didn’t have time to get it, I’m sorry.” Harry says, looking down and standing guard as Nick fixes his hair in the mirror. (Harry never understood that, he’s a radio host, he isn’t being seen)

 

“Well, go get it, you know I can’t function without it. C’mon, don’t just stand there.” Nick orders with a flick of his hand. Harry nods and starts out the door.

 

“And make it quick, dammit!” Nick yells after him. Harry sighs and runs out the door.

 

The coffee shop is, luckily, within walking distance of the studio. So Harry speed-walks there, ready to grab the coffee and get out, but as he’s waiting on line, he hears a familiar voice.

 

“One caramel mocha please, for here. Thank you.” It’s bright and lively and a bit high-pitched, and Harry knows that voice, but he can’t place it. He can’t put a face to it, or figure out where he’s heard it before.

 

“Name please?”

 

“Louis.” The same voice answers, and Harry finally remembers, it’s that boy that had bumped into him almost a week ago, the boy who had said maybe fate would be on their side, the boy who Harry swears is too happy for his own good.

 

But when the boy turns around, he sees Harry, and it takes him only one second for him to realize who Harry is, and his face lights up and he waves. And Harry waves back half-heartedly, the same way he does everything. Louis bounds over to him, clad in a striped shirt with black skinny jeans and bright blue suspenders. His entire being radiates it seems, and Harry feels dull in comparison.

 

“Hey, Harry, right?” Louis says.

 

“Yup, that’s me.”

 

“Looks like fate was on our side then, wasn’t it?” Louis says, and Harry nods firmly.

 

“Seems like it. What are you doing here?” Harry asks.

 

“Buying coffee so that I can stay awake while trying to finish a paper that’s due in about, two hours.” He answers, smiling with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m a bit of a procrastinator.”

 

“Fun times.” Harry joked. “What class is it for?” They both take a step forward as the line moves, and Harry’s three people behind.

 

“Education law. It’s really boring, all about laws as a teacher or superintendent or stuff. But I have to take it.” Louis answers with a little purse of his lips.

 

“You want to be a teacher?”

 

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t suggest it, the classes are boring as hell, I’m just glad I’m taking drama on the side, or else I think I would’ve died by now.” Louis laughs.

 

“Sounds cool.” Harry doesn’t offer any information up about himself, he never does. It seems irrelevant.

  
“What about you? What are you doing here?” Louis asks, and they take another step forward.

 

“Getting my boss’s morning coffee. He’s pissed that I was late this morning, so I really need to get it.” Harry explains.

 

“Oh cool, what do you do?”

 

“I’m Nick Grimshaw’s assistant.” Harry knows Louis knows who Nick is, everyone does, so he doesn’t feel the need to explain who he is.

 

“Nick Grimshaw’s your boss?”

 

“Yeah, what you want an autograph or something?” Harry asks with a roll of his eyes, and they take one more step forward so Harry’s next on line.

 

“No, are you joking? I hate that guy. No offense or anything, if you like him.” Louis says, rolling his eyes as if just _thinking_ about Nick was too much to handle. Harry chuckles.

 

“He’s alright, is a bit of a dick sometimes, but that’s just who he is.” Harry replies with a shrug. Louis smiles with a nod. Then it’s Harry’s turn to order, so he steps up to the counter and orders Nick’s coffee, a caramel latte with extra foam, and expects Louis to have left or gone and found a table but when he turns around Louis is standing there with his coffee smiling at him.

 

“Want to find a table while you wait?” He asks. Harry nods. They find a small table, with only two seats, and sit down across from each other, Louis puts his bag around the back of his chair before sitting down, and then sips his coffee quietly while looking at Harry over the brim of it. He seems to be contemplating something.

 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” He suddenly blurts, and Harry’s shocked at the sudden question.

 

“Um, no.”

 

“So you’re single yeah?”

 

“Yeah, um, do you?” Harry feels awkward, like, he had thought Louis was gay, was pretty sure anyway, didn’t know why but his gaydar had gone off strong when he met him. (God, he hates that word, gaydar, but he can’t think of a better description.)

 

“Do I what?”

 

“Have a girlfriend.” Harry finishes. Louis smiles, and Harry’s heart drops for an unknown reason.

 

“No, don’t even like girls to be honest, hopefully you don’t have a problem with that.” Louis answers easily. Harry doesn’t really know what to say, Louis is so confident about it, so open. Harry never tells anybody who doesn’t ask directly, therefore most people don’t know about his sexuality.

 

“Oh, um, yeah that’s um, that’s fine.” He stammers out. “Me either.” He says, only slightly above a whisper, worried Louis won’t really care about it, but Louis’ smile widens (it never really went away).

 

“Awesome! All my friends are either straight or in a relationship, I’ve been in the need of a single gay friend. Like who else am I supposed to go clubbing with?” Louis says brightly, and Harry’s heart falls again, even though it had been lifted slightly when Louis told him he was gay.

 

“I, um, I’m not much of a clubber...” Harry explains, and by that he means _I don’t leave my house except for work_. Louis frowns slightly, but then smiles mischievously.

 

“I’ll corrupt you, Harry, I promise.” Louis says with a tip of his cup. Harry rolls his eyes and smirks.

 

“Don’t you have an essay to write?” He accuses.

 

“I told you I’m a procrastinator.” Louis shrugs with a smirk.

 

“Coffee for Nick?” The sales attendant calls out.

 

“That’s me.” Harry points at the counter and Louis smiles. Harry stands up and gets his coffee, then returns to the table.

 

“Um, I really need to go, although I’d love to stay and help you procrastinate, but could I get your number?” Harry asks, surprised at his own confidence. But Louis’ face lights up as he nods, and scribbles it out on a napkin with the pen he had out from the beginnings of working on his essay. He hands to Harry with a bright smile as usual, and winks. Harry smiles as he takes it, his first full smile that Louis had seen, and then makes his way out of the coffee shop.

 

When he gets back to work, he’s oddly more willing to do things Nick asks him to do. Usually, he sits for a good five or ten minutes, convincing himself to get off the couch that he had previously been lounging on before Nick told him to do something, and when he finally gets off the couch, he’s like a snail doing what Nick wants. But today, for a reason unknown to everyone, he does everything in the blink of an eye. He gets Nick a cup of water and delivers it with a smile. He turns in Nick’s script with a kind, “Here you are,” as opposed to his usual silent self. Everyone was enjoying his shift in behavior, and decided not to question it.

 

But Harry, while he didn’t know exactly why, knows the basic reason for his change in behavior. Louis has been texting him all day since he left the coffee shop, with the exception of one hour when Louis had a class.

 

 _hey big shot, guess who?_ Was the first text he had received, and since then Louis has been making him laugh and smile more than he has in the past six months in one day.

 

As he’s leaving work, he waves good-bye to everybody with a nice smile, as he answers Louis’ latest text.

 

 _what are you doing tonight???_ Harry smiles at his phone -actually smiles!- as he answers.

**Nothing, same as every night, why?**

 

 _me and the lads are have beer, pizza, and FIFA night tonight, was wondering if you wanted to come?_ Harry freezes on the street, which gets him yelled at a bit, but he doesn’t care, he just stares at his phone in disbelief. Louis wasn’t put-off by him? I mean, they had been texting all day, but usually that’s about as long as it takes for someone to realise he’s an anti-social freak that they don’t want to spend time with.

 

 **Um, I guess. who are the lads?**  He replies, hesitant but thinking why the fuck not, as he hasn’t gotten out of the house in probably three weeks, except for work of course.

 

 _just my friends, not a big crowd. there’s Niall the irish one, and Zayn and Liam the couple who are hopelessly in love. that’s all you rly need 2 kno_ Louis’ reply comes fast, and Harry smiles a bit again as he reaches his car.

 

 **Sounds cool. text me the address and I’ll be there. brb driving, safety first** He replies, and watches as it’s read and then gets in his car and drives home.

 

********

 

“Harry!” Louis shouts as he opens the door, arms wide in celebration that Harry’s at the door.

 

“Hi.” Harry says shyly, as Louis opens the door further and allows him into the flat. Harry shuffles in, toeing off his shoes next to the door and keeping his head down and his hands in his pockets. Louis’ smile is bright, as usual, and it makes Harry grin softly.

 

“Come in, come in! You’ve got to meet the lads.” Louis says, leading the way into his apartment. There is loud laughter coming from a room farther in the flat, and Harry is slightly overwhelmed by it.

 

“Lord, Liam, you are such funny person! We all know you fuck, you’ve only been together for two years, and just ‘cause you did it last night is no need to be embarrassed!” A loud, Irish voice is yelling, before breaking back into laughter. Harry assumes it’s Niall from the Irish accent, and slips into the room trailing Louis to lay eyes on the four boys on a three seater couch, beers in each of their hands.

 

Niall is laughing loudly still, while the second boy blushes (Harry assumes this is Liam) and the other boy (by process of elimination, Zayn) just shakes his head and sips his beer.

 

“Lads, this is Harry!” Louis announces, stepping back and spreading his hands to Harry. Harry waves one hand shyly, before replacing it in his pocket. All the boys wave at him with with smiles and he presses his lips tight together awkwardly. Louis smiles at him brightly and then motions for him to sit on the loveseat. Harry takes a seat and Louis sits down next to him.

 

“Well take your coat off, stay a while!” Niall exclaims loudly. Harry nods and removes his coat, then stands, not sure where to put it.

 

“I got it,” Louis says, then stands and takes Harry’s coat from him before leaving the room.

 

“Alright, what’s the deal with you? Louis’ been raving for hours about the fact that you’re coming, what did you do?” Liam speaks first, and the three boys are staring at him intently. Louis had been “raving” about him?

 

“Um, nothing to my knowledge. He bumped into me on the street the other day, and then we ran into each other again at the coffee shop this morning.” Harry explains, feeling scrutinized under the boys gazes.

 

“Interesting. You gay?” Zayn asks. Harry’s eyes widen, mouth flopping open like a blubbering fish.

 

“Dammit Zayn.” Liam mutters. and Zayn slaps him.

 

“It’s a valid question, as Louis will need to know at some point.”

 

“Need to know what?” The man himself re-enters the room, taking his seat back next to Harry and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

 

“Harry’s sexuality.” Zayn answers easily. Liam facepalms and Niall chuckles. “God dammit Zayn.” Harry hears Liam mutter as he runs his hands down his face.

 

“Oh, we already covered that. He’s gay, I’m gay, the works. I finally have a single gay friend!” Louis cheers, and Niall eyes him quizzically, Liam just stares at him and Harry plays with his fingers awkwardly.

 

“Seriously mate, what did you _do_?!” Zayn bursts out laughing and Harry stammers, not sure how to answer the question.

 

“What the fuck do you mean Zayn? And what is so funny?” Louis asks, saving Harry.

 

“Oh nothing Lou, nothing, we gonna order the pizza now or what?” Zayn answers, and Louis shakes his head back and forth with a roll of his eyes, but says nothing further, so this must be a pretty normal thing.

 

“Yea sure, how many pies are we doing this time?” Louis asks picking up his phone from the table.

 

“Well, we’ve got a new comer, soo, four?” Niall says.

 

“Four pizzas?” Harry asks, surprising himself as he speaks up. “But, there’s only five of us.”

 

“Niall will eat a pie and a half on his own, Lou can eat a whole pie if he wants, and we like to have leftovers.” Liam explains as Louis steps out of the room again to place the order.

 

“Oh, sounds good.” Harry responds. LIam gets up to get drinks, and then Niall is staring at Harry quizzically again.

 

“I really don’t understand.” He finally says as Harry awkwardly avoids his gaze by looking anywhere but him. Zayn’s attention has been taken by setting up FIFA.

 

“Understand what?”

 

“Louis’ been complaining about not having a friend who’s gay and single. But you’re exactly his type, so I don’t think there are any friendly intentions here. Or maybe Louis is just a whack job.” Niall replies, Harry chuckles nervously. This is why he doesn’t usually leave his house.

 

“Niall you’re making him uncomfortable.” Zayn calls from over his shoulder. NIall shrugs and Harry continues avoiding his gaze until Louis comes back in the room.

 

“We’ve got forty-five minutes before it gets here, I say we play ‘till then and then eat and get drunk and then play while we’re drunk.” Louis suggests, sitting down next to Harry.

 

“Sounds okay.” Zayn replies.

 

“I’m all for getting drunk.” Niall nods. Harry thinks that Niall could grow on him, he’s a bit too perky for Harry’s liking, but he seems like a fun lad.

 

“I’ll pass on the drinking, but everything else sounds wonderful.” Harry states. Louis and Niall gape at him.

 

“No drinking? C’mon mate, it’s pizza and FIFA and BEER night! You can’t not drink! That’s the whole reason we do this on Friday’s the next day we don’t have to do shit so we can get absolutely hammered!” Nial encourages, shocked at Harry’s denial of alcohol.

 

“Sorry, I can’t I have work tomorrow. It’s a big day in the radio world, Saturday mornings.” Harry shrugs, brushing things off. In all honesty, Saturday’s are the least busy days of the week, as no one’s in their car to drive, and if he called out sick tomorrow no one would care. But Harry doesn’t drink, he won’t, not since he was diagnosed. When Harry drinks, it gets ugly, and usually ends in the bathroom with him sobbing over razor blades. Harry would rather that not be Louis’ friends first impression of him. He’d rather Louis not see him like that.

 

The night goes on pretty slowly, Harry becoming slightly more sociable as he gets comfortable with the other boys. FIFA is wild with them, yelling and cursing and occasionally wrestling. Harry and Louis team up, and soon discover they are the ones to beat. They team up and are somehow able to communicate and develop a plan without the other boys knowing. Niall is especially mad, as he and Louis were usually a team and dominated. Harry soon took that place, and everyone is slowly getting drunk as the game goes on, except for Harry.

 

“WOOOOO!!! Mates! Nice! WOOO!” Niall cheers on from the couch as Harry dribbles the ball down the field on screen. Zayn and Liam have declared rematch after Harry and Louis annihilated them in the last game. Niall is cheering for Louis, naturally. He is also just slightly drunk (maybe a bit more than slightly).

 

“Niall, shh, I can’t concentrate.” Louis complains, waving a hand at Niall. Harry laughs and then passes the ball to the player that Louis automatically switches to, shooting past the goalie before Zayn or Liam can change to that player. The buzzer goes off, signalling the end of the game. Harry and Louis have won again, 5-2. Louis tackles Harry off the couch and onto the floor in celebration.

 

“We did it again! The dream team does it again!” Louis cheers, straddling Harry as Harry laughs. Louis pumps his fists up in the air and then looks down at Harry. He smiles bright, then leans down and hugs him tightly.

 

“You truly are an amazing lad, you know?” Louis whispers in his ear. Harry just glances at him, confused. Louis just smiles and leans down to his ear again, still on top of Harry. Somehow Liam, Zayn, and Niall, have stopped paying them any attention.

 

“Thank-thank you?” Harry says, but it comes out nervous and question-like. Louis giggles.

 

“You’re really hot too, you know? Don’t know how I managed to get you to come tonight...” Louis trails off and trails his fingers up Harry’s chest as well. Harry’s heart starts pounding as Louis smirks at him, hot breath over his ear.

 

“Louis, what are you doing?” Harry breathes out, trying to focus on the ceiling and not Louis. And definitely not the way Louis is making him feel in his gut.

 

“Just telling the truth.” Louis nibbles on Harry’s earlobe and that’s when Harry feels the need to stand up.

 

“That’s nice Lou, just can you get off me, I think I need to be leaving soon anyway.” Louis looks up at Harry innocently and smiles.

 

“Course Haz, sorry for keeping you down there.” Louis stands up and Harry follows.

 

“Thanks for the night, lads. I’ve got to be going though.” He waves goodbye to everyone, and Louis and Niall protest the most, but Zayn and Liam quietly reassure him that it’s mainly the alcohol speaking, and they aren’t normally that crazy. (Harry doesn’t let that bring his mood down, that Louis was only saying those things because of alcohol. He doesn’t because it shouldn’t have brought up his mood in the first place.) When Harry finally makes it out the door, Louis insists on walking him out, and Harry doesn’t complain, because Louis is fun, Harry likes Louis.

 

“Byyyyyye Harry! See you at the coffee shop tomorrow morning!” Louis calls as Harry walks away. Harry turns around and gives him a short wave, ignoring the comment and assuming it’s only made because of the alcohol.

 

Getting home to his lonely flat, Harry lays on his bed and finds it difficult to go to sleep. He’s up all night trying to convince himself that the tightness in his stomach while Louis was on top of him was only due to the fact that Louis was attractive and whispering dirtily in his ear, that it was only his hormones and his dick. He almost completely fails, until he jacks off to the thought of Louis, and thinks, yeah, it’s only because he’s hot, and falls asleep at almost five o’clock in the morning.  

 

********

 

The next morning, Harry goes into the coffee shop as usual to get Nick’s coffee, and is greeted by two hands on his shoulders and a “Hi!” in his ear. He nearly dies and screams much louder than he’d like to admit.  

 

“Oops, sorry Haz.” Harry turns around to see Louis standing there, chuckling to himself, and he doesn’t look sorry at all.

 

“Yeah, sorry. Jesus christ.” Harry is holding his heart as he turns back around, taking Nick’s coffee from the person behind the counter.

 

“Thought I’d run into you here, I’ll buy you a coffee and we can sit for a bit? Maybe? You might have to get to work.” Louis says, rocking back on his heels and he looks even smaller like this. His glasses are back on like the first day Harry saw him, and Harry quite likes that.

 

“No, I have a few minutes, but I don’t really like coffee, so no need to order me one.” Harry smiles, going to a chair and sitting down. Louis smiles as bright as can be and sits down across from him.

 

They sit and talk for a long time, longer than they expected, and by the time Harry realises he’s late for work, Nick’s coffee is cold but he rushes out the door anyway. Louis waves goodbye as he opens his laptop. ( _"Another paper.”_ He had told Harry, when Harry asked why he had it.)

 

When Harry gets to work, he hands Nick his coffee, but after the first sip promptly gets it spit all over him with a harsh, “S’ cold, Styles. Jesus.”

 

He goes back to get another without a complaint.

 

********

 

Everyday after that, Harry makes an effort to get to the coffee shop early to see Louis, and that’s a big deal. Harry has never put any effort into anything, and now Louis is making him do that.

 

And Harry knew Louis was different from the start, from the day they bumped into each other on the street and Louis was just happy, about everything. He was a light in Harry’s normally dark life, a light that even Harry’s best friend Ed couldn’t be. And it’s barely been a month that they knew each other, but everything felt so easy with Louis.

 

Sometimes after work, Louis would meet Harry at his car and invite him over for dinner. They’d watch movie, and occasionally fall asleep on the couch. (This would cause Harry to be very late to work usually, but he didn’t really mind, because he slept with Louis pressed against his chest on the couch.) And on Friday’s Harry would always join the boys for pizza, beer, and FIFA night. Harry would always skip the beer part though.

 

Occasionally, Harry would let his mind wander to think about Louis when he was falling asleep, and his mind would wander to places and words Harry shoved out almost immediately. Words like _love_ and _relationship_ and _more than friends_. But he would quickly push that away, because he couldn’t, he _wouldn’t_ love anyone.

 

He had learned his lesson, Love wasn’t pretty in any form.

 

********

 

The Monday of that week, Harry gets to the coffee shop ten minutes later than usual, and has to run out the door with a quick, “Hey, bye,” to Louis.

 

He gets to work on time but barely does anything, Nick knows, Nick understands, and lets Harry go home early, so Louis isn’t there at his car like usual, and Harry likes that, to an extent. He calls Ed and asks if he wants to come down, but Ed apologises and says something about a gig. Harry congratulates him weakly and Ed tells him to stay strong.

 

Louis calls him at the time that he usually gets off work, but Harry lets it go to voicemail, pretending he doesn’t hear it, pretending he doesn’t know that ringtone.

 

Harry cries that night even though he shouldn’t, not yet.

 

Tuesday he calls out from work. Nick tells him to take the week, that he understands, that he’s sorry, that he should stay strong.

 

How is he supposed to stay strong, though? At a time like this.

 

Louis calls from the coffee shop, and Harry answers and feigns sick. Louis says he hopes he feels better and asks if he should come over with some soup and a movie. Harry almost accepts, and then declines, he’s been on edge since the day before.

 

He stays up all night, until the sun is up and he nearly collapses from exhaustion, staring at the blades in his medicine cabinet that haven’t been touched in months. He refuses to touch them, just looks, and forces himself not to cry.

 

Wednesday.

 

Harry doesn’t wake up until 2 o’clock.

 

He doesn’t get out of bed until three.

 

When he does get out of bed he eats one bowl of cereal and then sits on the couch wrapped in a blanket.

 

Louis texts him, but he doesn’t open it.

 

Eventually he falls asleep on the couch, not having the energy to move.

 

Thursday is the worst. Thursday is the day everything has been leading up to, and Thursday is the day Harry breaks. He cries as soon as he wakes up, staring at the only picture he still has of his sister as he does. It’s wrinkled and old, and he should probably frame it, but he can’t stand to look at it year round.

 

Because Thursday is the anniversary of the day his sister killed herself. And the day his life practically ended.

 

Harry was only fourteen when it happened, but he understood what had happened. He understood that his sister was bullied to the breaking point, that she had fallen down so hard she thought the only way to escape was to take her own life.

 

She hadn’t even done anything wrong in Harry’s eyes. Gemma had been perfect, the perfect sister. Sure she had been a little overweight and a bit kooky, but that was nothing in Harry’s young eyes. And even after her death, nobody cared, nobody except him cared about it. His parents tried to pretend it didn’t happen, tried to move on, while Harry fell deeper and deeper into his own hole of sadness, the loss of his best friends, and as soon as Harry turned 18 they kicked him out, sent him off to London. ‘For College’ they said. ‘It’s better for you.’ they said. He ended up homeless for a year before Nick took pity on him and hired him as an assistant. He had been cutting since his sisters death, and had been diagnosed with depression when he was 17.

 

So it was easy for him to say that this day was the hardest of the year.

 

At four o’clock on Thursday, he’s holding his blades. It had been almost three months since he had touched them, over five since he had used them, but this is a day that not even his medication can help. His teardrops fall down on the shiney metal, and he’s biting his lip harshly. He pricks his finger on the sharp corner of one of them, looking at the small bleed of blood that forms, before he hears his phone ring on the table.

 

It was Louis’ ringtone.

 

His eyes dart to the phone where it’s buzzing, then back down to the razors in his hand. He puts the razors down on the bed and goes to his phone. He slides it open to answer the call, and presses it to his ear.

 

“Hello?” He rasps. His voice has been unused for almost two days, and it’s raw from crying as well.

 

“Harry, hey! You don’t sound so good, are you still sick?” Louis asks.

 

“Yeah, yeah a bit.” Harry replies, looking back over at the blades on his bed sheets.

 

“Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go check out that new club that just opened up, but I’m assuming you’re not up for that. Could I offer you a movie and some chicken noodle soup?” Louis suggests. Harry moves and sits back down on the bed, running his fingertips gently over the blades there as he thinks about it.

 

Louis calling him at the exact moment he was about to relapse had to mean something, had to have some significance.

 

“Haz?”

 

“Yeah, sure, I’d love to. Be there in ten.” Harry decides, and after quick goodbyes he washes his face and puts his blades in a box and up on a high shelf.

  
  


When he arrives at Louis’ he’s greeted with a tight hug around his waist from the smaller boy.

 

“Lou, you’ll get sick.” Harry feigns, pretending to have a stuffy nose as he shoves Louis away with a weak smile.

 

“Don’t care.” Louis whispers, pulling Harry back in. “You look like you need a hug.” Harry smiles and wraps his arms around Louis’ shoulders, nuzzling into his neck, because Louis is right, a hug is just what he needed.

 

Louis finally pulls away with a bright smile.

 

“I have chicken noodle soup ready in the kitchen, nice and steamy to help your nose, and I have Love Actually sitting just waiting to be played in the living room.” Louis explains, moving into the house. Harry almost pulls Louis into another hug, because even though he isn’t sick, this is exactly what he needs, what he’s been needing for the past 7 years. He’s needed someone to care, but he just doesn’t want to disappoint them when he can’t care the same way back.

 

"Thank you." Harry beams. Harry goes and grabs a big blanket from the cabinet while Louis gets the soup, and takes a seat on the couch. When Louis comes in the room, Harry opens the blanket and Louis scooches in next to him. Louis hands him the bowl of soup with a smile and presses play to start the movie.

 

They’re cuddled up close throughout the entire movie. Once they finish their soup Louis snuggles under Harry’s arm, forcing it around himself.

 

"You've got to proper cuddle me, Styles, or else this entire night goes to shit."

 

Harry chuckles and pulls Louis closer, letting himself relax as his favorite movie played out on the screen. Louis’ a warm substance pressed up against him. It seems like such a contrast to his own self, even though he isn’t physically cold. He watches Louis’ face from the little light being projected from the movie on TV. His face is light and bright even when a stray tear runs down his cheek. He wipes it quickly, then glances up Harry, seeming to check and see if he saw. Harry’s been staring at Louis for the past ten minutes, and when Louis looks up, he notices it too late to try and look away and pretend he wasn’t. So he just continues looking, green eyes on blue eyes. They’re eyes seem locked together, Harry doesn’t know how to look away. They’re eyes are just staring staring staring, and christmas music is playing as Andrew Lincoln’s character confesses his love on giant index cards.

 

Harry doesn’t even know why he likes this movie, considering his relationship with love in general.

 

But Louis’ eyes are still on his and he’s not really sure when it happened but Louis is sitting up now and looking right at him. Harry can’t look away, it’s like gravity or something. It’s like he’s looking at the brightest diamond in the world. And he doesn’t know when it happens but suddenly Louis is leaning in, his head on a tilt and his eyes falling shut. It’s not very long before his lips are on Harry’s. Harry pushes back gently, his hands having a mind of their own, traveling to Louis’ neck and holding Louis there. Louis’ hands are on Harry’s cheeks as he pulls him impossibly closer. Harry is lost, swimming in a pool of honey and syrup and not knowing his way up.

 

He regains his orientation when he feels Louis’ tongue press against his lips. He pulls away slowly, letting his hands fall and turning his head away. Louis’ touch falls away but his sitting close enough that their thighs are still pressed together and Harry’s breathing is catching and then he’s standing up and heading for the door.

 

“Harry, Harry, wait!” Louis calls, getting up and following after him. Harry turns around, still trying to catch his breath, still trying to clear his head of all the thoughts running through it and trying to kill the butterflies in his stomach. He doesn’t say anything, because he can’t really say anything.

 

“We can, just like, pretend it didn’t happen? I’m sorry, I just...” Louis is playing with fingers as he stands there and stares at Harry. Harry shakes his head.

 

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” Harry turns to leave again.

 

“Harry, please. I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what I was doing, I don’t want this to affect us.” Louis begs, grabbing his hand to stop him.

 

“It’s not your fault Louis. But I really need to go now. I’ll call you later.” Harry removes himself from Louis’ grasp and walks out the door.

 

********

 

Harry is able to avoid Louis for three days, but for some reason his mind isn’t.

 

Physically, Louis isn’t there. Physically, Harry has avoided the scariness of what he’s feeling and what it means. Emotionally, mentally... That’s a different story.

 

Harry can’t think of anything but that kiss, he can’t think of anything but Louis and how he makes him feel.

 

But Harry, Harry doesn’t feel, because when he feels, he gets hurt. It’s not just his daddy issues (mommy issues? sissy issues?), but he didn’t have the best history with friends or lovers in the past either. He’s built walls upon walls and Louis has broken some of them down, but Harry is determined not to let him break down anymore. And the only way he sees that as feasible is to not see Louis like, ever. So he texts him that Nick changed his coffee shop, it’s on the other side of town, sorry. He tells him he has to wake up earlier, his hours changed, and he parks around the block now, oops? Harry does what he can to distance himself, pushing farther and farther over the course of two weeks, only showing up for one pizza, beer, and fifa night, and basically ignoring Niall, Zayn, and Liam’s texts.

 

One morning, he isn’t able to avoid it.

 

He’s running late for work, and can’t stop at the other coffee shop. He hopes and prays that Louis will have stopped going to the original one. He runs in and up to the counter, luckily there is no queue, and orders Nick’s usual. He refuses to look around, doesn’t want to know if Louis is there, and hopes that if Louis is he won’t notice him.

 

Apparently, though, he’s out of luck in that department.

 

“Harry?” A small voice says from behind him. He turns around to see Louis there, glasses on his face and his hair a bit messy. He’s not wearing his normal bright colors, nor is there a bright smile on his face like usual.

 

“Hi Lou.” Harry replies, then turns around and grabs the coffee. He’s having trouble breathing, as he doesn’t like seeing Louis without a sparkle in his eye, or without suspenders holding up his red pants. He takes a deep breath before turning back around.

 

“Can we talk?” Louis asks. _Abort. Abort. Do not go in. Abort._

 

“Sure, um outside?” Harry responds. _Fucking weakling._ Louis nods and they step outside. Harry just stands there for a moment, and Louis is averting his gaze as he does the same thing.

 

“Lou-”

 

“Har-”

 

They break into nervous laughter. Harry is trying to formulate a good excuse that isn’t that he doesn’t like Louis.

 

“You go first.” Harry offers.

 

“So, um, I guess it’s pretty obvious, but like, I kind of like you? And I’m sorry for kissing you, I should’ve asked first or something but I thought that was too cliche, but now I feel bad and I hope we can move past it like even though you don’t like me that way I still want to be friends because you’ve really quickly become my best mate and I don’t really know what to do.”

 

“Louis, no it’s not, it’s not like that.” Harry tries to get his point across. Louis is looking too sad for Harry’s liking. (Although wanting Louis to be happy isn’t really helping his case, helping why he closed off in the first place.)

“I didn’t, I haven’t been, avoiding you per-say, I just needed some time to myself.” Harry explains, trying not to reveal to much and trying to keep his voice from catching in his throat. For some reason Louis’ emotion was getting to him, making him feel guilty and sad about it. He needs to get out of there before he does or says something he regrets.

 

“Oh, well, you could’ve just said that. But like, two weeks? And you didn’t come to FIFA on Friday, the boys missed you.” Louis counters, and Harry’s running out of time, running out of lies. There’s a lump in his throat and he can’t work it down. He can’t get rid of it and if he doesn’t get out of this situation fast he never will.

 

“God, I missed you. I don’t know how but I got caught up in you so fast, too fast, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Louis is still talking, and Harry is still trying to figure out how to shut him up without saying it so bluntly.

 

“Louis-”

 

“And I just, I get that you need time away from us sometimes,  but like, if you’re upset about something you can talk to me, yeah? I’d like to think so anyway, because we’ve gotten pretty close and-”

 

“Louis!” Harry yells, forcing the word out of his mouth and with it comes a few tears spilling down his cheeks. He wipes them away. Louis is quiet, staring at him, intimidated by how loud Harry’s voice had gotten. “I have depression, Louis, okay? I have clinical depression and no matter what I’m upset about it’s in my nature not to talk to anyone. And sometimes, I just fall into a hole of myself, sometimes I fall into that hole and don’t want to come out. And that’s what happened these past two weeks and I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t like you, because that’s not it, that’s not it at _all_ , but I can’t explain what it is right now.” Louis is staring at him, and Harry almost walks away. He almost leaves him there because the tears are pressing at his eyelids and he’s not sure how long it will be before they spill over, and he’s just waiting for what Louis will say, what he will do, if he’ll be mad.

 

But then, Louis does something unexpected. He steps forward, and wraps his arms tightly around Harry’s waist. He rests his head on Harry’s chest and breathes.

 

“It’s okay. If that’s who you are it’s okay.” He whispers. Harry let’s the tears fall, something he hasn’t done in front of another human being for years, he just wraps his arms around Louis’ shoulders and nuzzles his head into his neck, and cries. They stand like that for a couple minutes, in each others arms, Harry’s silent sobs shaking his body. Then he pulls away slowly, and wipes his eyes and nose, and Louis looks at him.

 

“You’re not going to work.” Louis says. Harry nods. “Give me your phone, I’ll call Nick. You’re coming back to mine, okay? We are going to do whatever you want all day. You can do whatever you want and tell me whatever you want. I won’t push.” Harry hands over his phone, then turns and takes deep breaths and tries to calm himself down, while Louis’ voice rings out in the background talking to Nick. Harry’s feels a pang in his stomach. He remembers Louis telling him how much he hates Nick, and now he’s calming talking to him, and Harry knows well enough that for Louis to calm about anything he hates is a feat. He almost starts crying again from the feelings churning in his stomach.

  
“C’mon, let’s go.” Louis says with a sweet smile, handing Harry back his phone. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis now knows what Harry's dealing with, but what does that mean for them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this part isn't as long as the first one, but it's a lot more dramatic and I like it even more possibly? I'm not sure haha

**Louis**

 

Harry is sitting on Louis’ couch, tears still blurring his vision. Louis is sitting next to him, rubbing circles into his back and whispering things into his ear as he gathers himself. Louis is trying very hard not to wrap Harry up in his arms and calm his quivering lips with his own.

 

“Hey, hey, do you want something to drink?” Louis offers as Harry’s breathing finally starts being normal again.

 

“Yeah, do you have orange juice?” Harry sniffles.

 

“‘Course.” Louis smiles, then gets up and goes in the kitchen to grab a glass for Harry. As he’s standing there, reaching for a glass, he watches Harry from the small window in between the kitchen and living room. Harry’s just sitting there, wiping his eyes and breathing deeply, then he stands up and moves to the window of the room, looking out and to the right of it, his hands braced on the window sill. From here, Louis can see every contour of Harry’s body, and muscle in his arms, and every dip in his nose and lips on his profile. Louis finds himself gripping the counter in the same fashion Harry is gripping the window sill, and quickly shakes himself out of his stupor.

 

If he’s being honest, he had feelings for Harry since that first day at the coffee shop. Harry had been quiet and shy, everything Louis wasn’t and Louis just wanted to wrap him up and make him come out of his shell. He’d succeeded somewhat, but now he doesn’t know what to do with these pent up feelings aching in his heart. The kiss had been...perfect. For the short time it lasted, Louis was on cloud nine. He isn’t even sure why he had leaned in that night, the moment just seemed right. But apparently, Harry doesn’t feel the same way.

 

Louis is having a hard time dealing with that.

 

As he pours the orange juice he mind drifts again to possibly telling Harry how he feels. It’s been at the forefront of his thoughts for about a week but since the kiss, it’s all he can think about. He’d actually made a pros and cons list, and God knows Louis is anything but organized. There are more cons than pros, of course, and Louis has realised that especially after going three days without talking to Harry, all because of a kiss. But now Harry’s has cried in front of him, confessed his weaknesses...

 

Louis is having a really, really hard time dealing with this.

 

He walks back out and hands Harry the tall glass of juice. Harry has moved to the couch since Louis was looking at him, and he accepts the glass with a small quirk of his mouth in thanks.

 

“Do you want to talk about what’s made you upset?” Louis questions delicately.

 

“Not now.” Harry responds, sipping the juice. Louis nods in understanding.

 

“Want to watch a movie or something?” Louis asks, reaching for the remote. Harry nods and Louis finds an action movie, a distraction. “Want a cuddle?”

 

Harry looks him dead on, eyes doe-like and wandering, obviously not completely there, and Louis waits patiently for his answer. Eventually he gets a small nod.  Louis smiles widely and slouches back a bit on the couch, allowing Harry to nuzzle up against his chest. Louis tightens his arm around him as they watch.

 

At the end of the movie, Harry stands up quickly.

 

“Going somewhere?” Louis jokes as he stands up to join him.

 

“Yeah, I just forgot I called my friend Ed the other day and asked him to come down. He’ll be expecting me soon.” Harry explains. Louis cocks his head to the side with a question in the smirk on his face.

 

“So you hang with other people but not me?” Louis asks, teasing. It’s not his fault he makes light of everything.

 

“No, no that’s not-” Harry seems nervous.

 

“I’m joking, go ahead. I’m just teasing. But if you change your mind about talking about it, I’m just a phone call away.” Louis says. Harry smiles, dimples peeking out on his cheek, but still shy. It’s Louis favorite smile on Harry.

 

“Thanks, Lou.”

 

“No problem.” Louis walks Harry to the door, and Harry pulls him into one last hug, a bone crushing hug with Harry’s curls tickling his neck, and then he leaves. Louis can’t help the smile that spreads on his face.

 

********

 

Louis finds Harry’s jacket about three hours after Harry left. It’s lying on the side of the couch and Louis doesn’t know how Harry forgot it when it was right in front of his face. Either way Louis picks it up and heads out the door to return it, not bothering to send Harry a text or call because he knew he’d be home anyway.

 

When Louis arrives, he raises his fist to the door when he hears a drunken sob through it.

 

“-I can’t Ed! If I, what if he...” Louis doesn’t hear the end of the sentence, as it’s too quiet for him to hear through the door. So he knocks. It goes dead silent in the apartment, and then there are footsteps.

 

“Were you expecting someone?” He hears a foreign voice call.

 

“No.” Someone calls back, definitely Harry. Then the door opens.

 

“Hey Haz.” Louis says sheepishly, suddenly feeling like he shouldn’t have come. Harry’s staring at him with red, shocked eyes and a slacking mouth. He suddenly picks himself up.

 

“Lou, hey.” Harry responds, and Louis can suddenly smell the reeking scent of alcohol.

 

“Gonna invite me in?” Louis asks shyly, avoiding Harry’s gaze. Harry nods, stepping back and opening the door. Louis steps in. “I just came by to return your jacket, you forgot it at my place. Sorry to interrupt.” Louis explains, holding out the jacket. Harry is staring at him.

 

“Haz, who’s at the door?” Someone calls from the kitchen. Harry looks over his shoulder, eyes going wide, and suddenly he’s stammering through his words, looking between Louis and the kitchen.

 

“Harry?” The same voice calls, and then someone comes out from the kitchen. He has blazing red hair and the remnants of a beard, and a beer in his hand. He stops when he spots Louis and just stands there. Harry is still frozen, looking between the two.

 

“Haz?” Louis asks softly, taking a step forward. Harry’s eyes go even wider. Then he grabs his coat, and then he’s gone.

 

The sound of the door slamming echos in their wake and the person and Louis stare at each other.

 

“Well, um, I’m Ed.” The man says, stepping forward and holding a hand out.

 

“Louis.” Louis says, shaking his hand. Now it’s Ed’s turn to widen his eyes.

 

“ _You’re_ Louis?” Ed asks. Louis nods, giving him a look and glancing at the door. He doesn’t know where Harry went and given the day and everything that happened, Louis’ worried.

 

“Um, yeah. But shouldn’t we be worried about Harry, I mean who knows where he went...” Louis says gesturing to the door and biting his lip.

 

“You’re right, I, um, I can’t really explain this without, like... saying things I’m not allowed to. But, um. Yeah, we should probably go look for him.” Ed says, also gesturing to the door. Louis gives him a very confused look, then nods, and then takes steps towards the door.

 

Then Louis’ mind floods with worry. With what Harry told him, and how he had been acting the past weeks, Louis couldn’t help but assume the worst. He and Ed are now running, as it seems Ed has begun to think the same. Harry’s car is still in the parking lot, and they weren’t that far behind him, so it’s not like he could’ve gone far.

 

“Which way do you think he went?” Louis asks. Ed shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

 

They set off heading right, running again in the hope that they’ll catch up with Harry before he can get too far. They occasionally call out Harry’s name as well, but they mainly just get weird looks from people on the streets rather than the replies they’re looking for. But after twenty minutes of that, it slows down to a jog and Louis and Ed start visiting the places they expect Harry would go. (They check the bridge as well - because they’d rather be safe than sorry.) And after checking almost everywhere, it’s begun to get dark and Louis finds himself in a large park with a guy he’s just met on the verge of tears.

 

“Where could he have gone, why- why did he even run out?” He’s starting to get even more worried the longer they go without coming nearer to finding Harry.

 

“Why do you care about him so much?” Ed suddenly asks. Louis stops in the pathway.

 

“Why wouldn’t I?” He questions, a bit offended Ed would ask him that question, like there were ulterior motives to Louis’ actions.

 

“It’s just that, no one has really shown affection towards him. I’m his best friend, and sure Nick helped him off the streets, but since then it hasn’t been great between them. I can’t help but be protective and make sure you’re not using him for anything.” Ed explains. Louis nods, understanding. A lump is forming in his throat, at the thought of Harry really being that alone and lonely before Louis came around.

 

“I-I would never use him. He means way too much to me. I don’t even know how but somehow, he’s measled his way in and I- god, he means more to me than I thought anyone ever would.” Louis admits, sitting down on a bench nearby and holding his face in his hands. Ed sits next to him and doesn’t make a move to do anything.

 

“I, okay, this is going to sound really forward. But, are you maybe in love with him?” Ed asks. Louis chokes around the knot in his throat.

 

“Yes.” He manages to get out, before breaking down in tears. “Where is he, Ed? Do you-do you think he’s okay? Did I do something to make him run? I-I couldn’t live with myself if this was my fault, what happened?” Louis sobs out, turning and crying into Ed’s shoulder. If he’s showing vulnerability to this new friend, he might as well be all in. Ed rubs his back.

 

“You need to tell him you love him okay? He’ll never take a hint and he won’t believe anyone who tells him that it’s true unless it’s you. And he needs to hear it. But, I don’t think I should be the one to tell you why he ran. He might kill me later.” Ed laughs softly and Louis sniffles, pulling away from the embrace.

 

“There’s-There’s one place we haven’t looked.” Louis confesses. “I doubt he would actually be there, but it’s a chance. It’s a bit out of the way though.” Ed nods at him.

 

“We’ll try it.” Louis nods and gets up off the bench, wiping his eyes and nose and taking a deep breath. He tries to collect himself before leading the way to the cafe.

 

“Louis?” Ed says, stopping a few feet behind him. Louis turns around, “Yeah?”

 

“He’s going to be okay. He has something to live for now.” Ed smiles slightly, and Louis nods, not completely understanding what’s going on but believing Ed. If Ed believes Harry will be okay, he probably will be.

 

They find Harry at the cafe. It’s the cafe where he and Louis always got coffee, and Louis is just a little shocked to find him there. He’s not doing anything, just staring at the closed doors with his hands in his pockets. Louis runs, runs, runs, until he’s able to wrap his arms around Harry’s back. Harry yelps in surprise, but then looks down at Louis and isn’t sure what to do.

 

“Come home Harry, please, just come home. I need you.” He whispers into his chest.

 

********

 

Ed leaves when they get back to Harry’s apartment. Louis sees that Harry gets into bed safely, and then passes out on the couch.

 

********

 

Louis wakes up to a soft voice calling his name.

 

“Lou?” A finger pokes his face. He slowly opens his eyes to see Harry staring back at him, eyes wide and what looks a little like fear tracing the edges of them. Louis smiles, Harry’s green sparkling eyes are something he could deal with waking up to forever.

 

“Hey Haz.” Louis smiles, sitting up as Harry backs away, sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.

 

“Why are you still here?” Harry asks, fiddling with his fingers.

 

“Well, after Ed left, I didn’t want you to wake up alone after last night. I had to make sure you were okay.” Louis responds, smiling lightly. Harry nods and bites the inside of his cheek.

 

“You didn’t have to.”

 

“I wanted to.” Louis smiles, putting a hand atop Harry’s before standing up and stretching. “Would you like some tea?” Harry shakes his head no and Louis nods before going to the kitchen and putting the kettle on.

 

He can see Harry sit down on the couch out of the corner of his eye. All that’s running through his head are Ed’s words from last night, where he told him to tell Harry about his feelings. And Louis wants to, he really does, but he’s never been good with words and he’s even worse when it comes to Harry.

 

After making his tea, he goes back out and sits on the couch. He curls his legs up to his chest and sits in the corner.

 

“I need to tell you something.” He says, and there, it’s out there, and now he can’t take it back. He has to tell him or leave him hanging.

 

Harry looks at him inquisitively, “What is it?”

 

“I, um, god I don’t know how to say this.” Louis laughs at himself, throwing his head back on the arm of the couch. Harry is still looking at him with patient eyes.

 

Harry stands up and turns away from Louis, then begins pacing slightly. “If you don’t want to be friends after last night, I totally understand, I mean, I’m totally crazy. And...I totally understand that. Like, of course, I’m really sorry about last night-”

 

“Harry-” Louis gets up and stands in front of him, trying to get him to stop moving, and trying to get Harry to listen to him.

 

“I didn’t mean to run out like that, I’d had a bit to drink. I’m so sorry, to put you through that-”

 

“Harry!-”

 

“But, but if you don’t want to be around me anymore I get it, it’s alright, I mean-” Louis grabs Harry by the neck and forces his lips onto his. Harry doesn’t respond at first, just standing there, then his hands wrap around Louis’ waist and pull him closer, while Louis’ hands find themselves gripping the sides of Harry’s neck. Then suddenly, Harry is pushing away roughly, and Louis’ hands fall, and Harry’s face make his fall.

 

“Louis, no-no, I can’t, no.” Harry’s shaking his head and pressing the heels of his palm against his eyes.

 

“Harry, I love you, please, just trust me, it’s okay,” Louis reassures, and tries to reach out for Harry but he sits down on the couch and holds his face in his hands.

 

“Louis, no, no, I can’t. Everyone I love eventually leaves, okay? I don’t want that to happen to us. I don’t want to fall in love with you just to have you leave in a couple months because I’m too much to deal with, okay. I’m sorry, but I just, I can’t.” Harry tries to explain. Louis just stares at him in disbelief.

 

“Harry, We’ve been friends for months. If you were too much to handle, I would’ve left forever ago. But you’re _not_ , okay, you will _never be_ too much for me. Because anything you do, no matter how many times you run away from me or anyone else, no matter how many times you ignore me for a week, when I get you back it will be worth it. The only thing I’m worried about is the day I don’t get you back. The day I can’t find you or you don’t come back to the coffee shop. Harry, _that’s_ what would be too much for me, not having you.” Louis explains, voice cracking and eyes pleading. Harry looks up at him with wet eyes.

 

“You don’t even know my past yet.” Harry sniffles.

 

“Then tell me. I’ll sit here and listen to your story and then make my decision, okay? Would that work for you? And you don’t have to love me back, but you need to know that I love you.” Louis pleads. Harry nods. “Go on then,” Louis encourages.

 

Harry does, he slowly explains his brutal past. The death of his sister, how his parents treated him. Louis sits and listens the entire time, not saying anything and not making any sounds other than a few sniffles as he tries to keep his tears back, almost not willing to believe that someone could do these things to Harry.

 

“-and, after I told Nick no for the millionth time, he just stopped coming round. He’s still my boss but he’s not my friend.” Harry finishes, just staring at Louis. Louis wipes his eyes and then pulls Harry to his chest.

 

“I love you.” He whispers with his face nuzzled in Harry’s neck. That’s when Harry starts to cry, sobs racking his body and making him shake in Louis’ arms. Louis just holds him through it and attempts to keep his own crying down, because he knows Harry needs to let it all out.

 

“I think I love you too.” Harry finally replies, pulling away from Louis and looking in his eyes. Louis smiles widely and Harry returns it, even though it contrasts the redness in his eyes and tears on his cheeks. He wipes his eyes and smiles wide, dimples peeking out.

 

“Does this mean I can kiss you?” Louis asks slowly. Harry blinks back tears but nods yes, and there’s no hesitation when Louis leans up and presses his lips to his. Harry is pressing back immediately, pushing them down on the couch so he is over Louis, his large hands roaming his back while Louis’ hands find their way into Harry’s hair. The kiss is passionate but not heated, and both of them can barely contain their smiles even when they’re pressed against each other.

 

Eventually, Harry slowly pulls away, still not able to contain his smile. “Can we just, take it slow?”

 

“What would you say to dinner tomorrow night? I can proper wine and dine you.” Louis suggests, smile still prominent.

 

“That sounds perfect.”

 

********

 

“I remember the first time Louis introduced Harry to us, all Zayn kept asking was ‘What did you do?!’ because all of us were in disbelief at how infatuated Louis was with him, and how in denial he was about it. And everyday after him and Harry hung out, he’d call me up and expect me to analyze everything Harry did that night, he was like a teenage girl it was horrible.” Niall laughs, and Louis blushes deeply. Harry’s hand is heavy on his thigh, and when he looks over Harry’s smiling at him, and Louis can’t help but smile back. “See what I mean!? To this day they’re like that!” Niall says, gesturing to them. Louis blushes again, and Harry laughs.

 

“Why did I decide to let you do the best man’s speech again?” Louis questions.

 

“Because I’m your favoritest person ever.” Niall answers, squeezing Louis’ cheek. Louis rolls his eyes. “But no matter how embarrassing he was in the beginning, it was all worth it and he knew it. Louis knew from day one Harry was the one for him, and even though it took Harry a little while, he eventually realised that Louis was right. And I’m so honored to be here and wish you guys the best in the rest of your lives together. Good luck, even though you won’t need it. To the happy couple!” Niall raises his glass and everyone in the room follows suit. After Louis and Harry suck down their champagne, they give each other a quick peck on the lips, and everyone ‘awwwwwwww’s.  

 

“I love you.” Louis whispers.

 

“I love you too.” Harry replies.

 

“You better, considering I just put a ring on your finger.” Louis jokes, face lighting up. And Harry lights up too, eyes bright and happier than he’s ever been. He has Louis here, forever. Of course, he still has bad days, and he still has doubts, but in this moments, it seems like all the gray clouds in his life have been traded for sunshine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this was one of my favorite fics to write, the fact that it's done already is so weird! Hope you enjoyed, leave kudos and comments please!!


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